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I bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Remember kids- Respect your fathers! Besides, before you came out of your moms, you came out of your dad.
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
Pro tip: “Hold my drink” is not a proper response to “License and registration, please.” … apparently.