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I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
Don`t sell yourself short, in fact, don`t sell yourself at all. I`m pretty sure it`s illegal
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.
Iām glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.