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Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
My boss doesn’t like it when I play slavery songs at work….
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember all the things I was suppose to do.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.
Common sense is like deodorant....The people who need it most never use it.
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.