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When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have `lady problems` then start crying. It works even better for guys.
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
I`d like to thanks all the girls for wearing yoga pants. It is the only reason why we`re not complaining about how cold this winter it
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
It`s a good thing the gas station is open today...... I still have time to do my Christmas shopping.
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.