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In Store Special - "You`re My One and Only" Valentine`s Day cards... 4 for $5...
Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it`s like...I don`t care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
I’m pretty much always down for a snack.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
Instead of sending people to jail, we should just make them eat the stringy things off bananas..
I love the smell of a liquor store in the morning!
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.