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My Doctor says I`m a serious alcoholic, but I think I`m more of a funny alcoholic.
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
Tips for Guys on Valentine`s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She`ll automatically list things she wants.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone