Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
You can get away with farting at the zoo because you can always blame the animals...
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.