Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
Iām eating just in case I get hungry later
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
I stop at random Jehovah`s Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.