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It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
Christmas spirit? I`m proud to say I`ve got plenty of that. I`ve got rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, vodka and tequila.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
never tell a lie...unless it is true
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.