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My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Gravity is a real downer.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.