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Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Hey babe, go to Google Earth, zoom in on your house. See that blue cap in the bushes? Hi!
I need a fixed income. Mine is broken.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.