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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...
They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.