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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
I hope Iām the last guy on earth ā I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
My job blocked the Favstar website and I`m not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I`m totally taking hostages.
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
With my background and genetics, you guys should be happy I am half as normal as I am.
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
"You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like sh!t."
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second