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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
Of all the lies I`ve told in my life, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
The older I get, the more I sympathize with Squidward`s anger.
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
I`ve given up on giving up.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing