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When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
Dark humor is like sex, not everybody always gets it.
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
I`m changing my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts, and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.