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I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!