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Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who`s hot. It`s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
When a man talks dirty to a woman it`s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it`s $3.95 per minute.
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie