Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dumbass, I can let you know about it.
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
Waldo wears stripes because he doesn`t want to be spotted !
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too