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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I’d pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, “Keep the change you filthy animal.”
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.