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Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
You are so selfish! You´re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Stages of Drunk: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don`t wake up the cows.
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.