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I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Iām bored enough to clean.
My life coach just benched me.
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
Where is the button to restart summer?
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...