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You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!