Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
I wanted to book an Elvis impersonator for a party so I phoned them up and got a call centre. It said `press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.`
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.