Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
Iām not getting old. Iām becoming a classic.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.