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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
Bacon...need I say more
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.