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Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I`m just kidding ... there`s no pizza.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?