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Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
I found out last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee is sleeping right through it.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.