Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re a terrible person and had it coming.
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn`t seem so bad now.
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?