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A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
I put on real clothes today. What more do you want from me?
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.