Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
The patience I have for my kids is directly proportional to the amount of people watching me.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.