Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
Remember when the world ended last year?
People: What a bunch of bastards!
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That`s where I come in.
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
How dare the NFL build walls to keep fans that haven`t paid for a ticket from entering the game!
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.