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I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
I slept with my best friend’s wife last night and now I feel terrible. …. ….. She must have given me a cold or something.
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn`t walk to the donut shop.
I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.