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Before the internet I used to like people.
ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That`s ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
The last time I went to a nude beach I got a ticket. The officer said I was applying my sunscreen...Too Fast.
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.
Wal-Mart: Because going to Target requires a shower.