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Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
When someone looks over my shoulder while I`m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch