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I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
Einstein was wrong. The real definition of insanity is trying to clean your house when you have children.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
Old is when you start thinking about the things you used to do more than the things you’re going to do.
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.