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We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
Diet plan: make friends fatter
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
A guy had his whole left side torn off, the doctor said he`s all right.
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands