Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
If advertisers were smart, they`d make a silent, slow-motion commercial that runs at normal speed when you fast forward through it on a DVR.
I order all my food with extra gluten.
My life is like a romantic comedy expect there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.