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I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
I read Facebook for the pictures.
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.