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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
I`m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
I think, therefore i`m single.
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.