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Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
2013 is the first year since 1987 to have 4 different numbers… carry on.
I give up on life! I have better luck playing Monopoly...or Clue...
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
Tips for Guys on Valentine`s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She`ll automatically list things she wants.
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.