Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy, if you put it in your stomach first.
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
There`s no WE in pizza.
The best part of an argument is the make up sex...unless you`re fighting with your brother.
Subway only exists because we`re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here`s $8."