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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....