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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine`s Day! So I got drunk.
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!