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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
Being alive is so expensive.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!