Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
People ask me why I don`t have tattoos. Seriously, would you put a bumper sticker on a Lambourghini?
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.