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If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.
CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more North.
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
If at first you don`t succeed...Do it the way your wife told you to. ;)
You`re really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?