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Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn`t just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.
If everything goes as planned, tonight I shall drink myself beautiful.
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
Why Couldn`t Snoop Dogg & Dr.Dre Get On The Bus ... Because They Forgot 50 Cent
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.
The sooner one of you ladies takes ‘one for the team’ and becomes my girlfriend, they sooner I leave the REST of you alone!
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.