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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
You can`t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
For those of you wondering what it`s like to be married, I`m on day 3 of an argument I didn`t know I was having.
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
I`m not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
Iām offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...