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I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.
!that embarrasing moment when you fake a call then a real one comes...!lol.
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting Eye of the Tiger for motivation.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
I don’t use Siri because I have to deal with enough women who have no personality and know everything.
If I ever post something on Social media sites that`s not funny or clever, That just means someone hacked my account, Just Saying!
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.