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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
I was just thinking, which is the biggest thing I plan on accomplishing today.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!