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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
Is there another word for synonym?
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
Job interview `What is your biggest weakness?` `Honesty` `I don`t think honesty is a weakness` `I don`t give a flying *#(@ what you think!`
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.
I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!