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Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, nudity, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
I need a partner in wine.
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards