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finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
Are walruses just vampire manatees?