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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrhea!
Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.