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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
Damn it. I missed the number of the day on Sesame Street and now I don`t know how many pills to take.
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting Eye of the Tiger for motivation.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
For someone who can`t put on a pair of socks without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
I don`t care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I`m more annoyed that random woodland creatures won`t clean my house.
I´m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they´ll never find me, because they aren´t old enough to drive or get into this bar.
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you