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I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
Miley Cyrus could never live in the kind of cold we`re having here. Can you imagine all the poles her tounge would get stuck to?
I totally tricked this woman into sleeping with me. All I had to do was put a ring on her finger and live with her for the rest of my life.
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
I`m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that`s how weather works.
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
Things that make you go Mmmmmmm - Duct Tape