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I love running my fingers through my girlfriend`s hair. It`s also a great way to let her know we`re out of napkins.
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
I`m so hot I stalk myself ;)
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
My wife treats me like a God…She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.