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I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
Saying “do I smell popcorn ” right after you fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: ‘last warning, you have a week to get the money together.’
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.