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We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
that moment when somebody calls your house phone and ask where you are
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.
That feeling you get when you meet someone named dick....
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.