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One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
"But why?" - Me at weddings
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
Doctor: How`s your headache? Me: She`s out of town.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button